Keep Calm & Be Yourself
*Disclaimer* I (Jenny here) have a hard time sharing things personally (especially on a blog) but I like to write and it helps me process and it keeps our family and friends back in the States "in the loop"...so I make myself write about what God is doing in my life, even in the hard pieces. With that being said, if any of what I write seems slanted, confusing or jaded...it might be... (I also don't like being misunderstood, haha!) but also, I'm finding I just don't have the proper words (yet) to really explain all of how I have processed this whole move so far. I get words/thoughts in spurts...and so when I do, I will write. Steve and I want to be better at writing this coming year. Last year on the blog we spent a great deal of time telling stories and sharing pictures about what we experience here...this year, though, we want to be more wordy and give you a deeper level of our thoughts through the things we experience everyday. Some days will be funny and some may be more serious. But I hope it gives you another view into doing life and ministry in Poland.
Now that that is out of the way...let's talk about being yourself!
We have been learning Polish for over a year and a half now. The first year was mostly with private tutors and in small private school settings. To say this language is difficult to learn would be an understatement. To be honest, the more I learn Polish, the more I realize the complexities of my own first language. So really, I think learning language is just complex and challenging no matter what language you attempt to learn. We aren't just learning language, though, we are learning about a new culture, a new way of life, and how to function (as myself) in this new culture, using this new language. There are often days where I feel the rub of figuring it all out, and then there are days where I smile because my attempt to communicate properly (or even at all) actually happened. None of what I'm feeling or experiencing is new to the process of moving to another country, but it is my story and I wanted to share a little bit about how I am processing all of it.
I'll start with a story.
About two weeks into our time of studying Polish, Steve could see that I was already getting really upset and quite frustrated. Everything was new, confusing and took so much brain power to even focus (didn't help at the beginning that I had a one year old crawling at my feet during lessons). Even the notebooks here are different - instead of lines, you have notebooks with squares-think graph paper...this was driving me bonkers! I couldn't even take notes properly because I couldn't tell where my line was going on the page with all those little squares looking up at me. It didn't seem "normal" to write on paper like this! So imagine, learning a new language, attempting to take notes on graph paper (I don't know, maybe some of y'all out there like that) but it was driving me bananas. So Steve set out on a mission to find a notebook for me with lines instead of the graph type squares-sounds easy enough right? Nope! But he didn't give up (I have a good man!) and he came home dawning a cute little notebook with a green cover and the words, "Keep calm & Be Yourself". Oh the irony! So here I am, looking at this notebook, so grateful that the paper has lines on each sheet and was just in tears at my husband's sweet gesture to cheer me up and give me a gentle reminder to keep going, don't give up.
As time has gone by, though, each time I've opened that notebook to take notes or study, I think to myself, "how do I even be myself here in Poland". Most everything about who I am and what I'm known by has changed. And drastically!
In this process of language learning, I'm also learning a lot about myself. To name a few: I rarely extend myself much grace, I get easily frustrated when I can't quickly understand a new concept, I have a hard time studying whilst managing all the other responsibilities on a regular basis (namely raising three children), keeping up with partners and being a good supportive wife. And that's just the beginning of my list! So many people have made comments like, "I don't know how you are learning this while raising three small children", "this is a really hard language to learn", and "it will take a long time to learn". All these things don't discourage me, they just remind me that, in fact, it's ok for for feeling the way I do at times! But the one thing I will end talking about in this post today is the concept of personal identity within a new culture. The hardest part about this transition for me has been the idea of my personal identity. At some level, most of us can talk about who we are, about our identity. First, my identity is found in Christ and Ephesians reminds me of this. This will never change. There are other factors though that make up who I am. When I was in America, I was as stay at home mom, wife, daughter, sister, neighbor, etc. I knew how to function in all those roles in that context. But since I've been removed from what was so familiar, I have had a hard time figuring out just "who I am" in this new context, this new culture. I will always be different...no matter how well I learn this language or adapt to this culture, I think I may still feel the rub of learning how to "be myself". Being myself is no longer what I thought it was at one time. You see, I am extroverted, I am loud and I am passionate (just to name a few). Since moving, I feel I have become more introverted, more subdued and a little more choosy on how I express my passions. This has been a hard change. Some days I like it, most days I do not.
I heard someone tell us in our first year here that moving to live in another country is like a "death of self". Meaning that, a lot of "who you were" back in America is not "who you are now" or will become in your new context. This comes as a major rub to me, because who wants to find their new identity in their mid-thirties (gulp!). Sometimes I find that I can agree with this statement, but it's not a definitive statement to me, nor does it encapsulate everyone's experience who has ever moved overseas either.
So what do I do with this "rub"... Here are just a few things I do:
+ Every day I ask God for the strength to face another day with whatever lies ahead.
+ I ask God to overwhelm me with His unending Grace.
+ I pray that God will make His promises I "know" (in scripture) to be "real" in my heart.
+ I cry, this is not a planned thing of course, but when tears well up, I let them flow.
+ I have a small circle of close friends (and prayer warriors) I message when I need prayer.
+ I find the promises of God's word and cling tightly to His truths.
+ I vent to people who "get it".
+ I laugh, and remind myself to smile each day. (Family dance parties help create laughter)!
+ I remind myself of why God led us here in the first place.
I know I have a lot to learn and I'm thankful that God never leaves me in this process and loves me enough to take me through whatever is needed to make me more like Christ!
What about you...have you lived overseas and how did you deal with the rub of learning how to "be yourself" in a new context? I would love to hear your stories!
Now that that is out of the way...let's talk about being yourself!
We have been learning Polish for over a year and a half now. The first year was mostly with private tutors and in small private school settings. To say this language is difficult to learn would be an understatement. To be honest, the more I learn Polish, the more I realize the complexities of my own first language. So really, I think learning language is just complex and challenging no matter what language you attempt to learn. We aren't just learning language, though, we are learning about a new culture, a new way of life, and how to function (as myself) in this new culture, using this new language. There are often days where I feel the rub of figuring it all out, and then there are days where I smile because my attempt to communicate properly (or even at all) actually happened. None of what I'm feeling or experiencing is new to the process of moving to another country, but it is my story and I wanted to share a little bit about how I am processing all of it.
I'll start with a story.
About two weeks into our time of studying Polish, Steve could see that I was already getting really upset and quite frustrated. Everything was new, confusing and took so much brain power to even focus (didn't help at the beginning that I had a one year old crawling at my feet during lessons). Even the notebooks here are different - instead of lines, you have notebooks with squares-think graph paper...this was driving me bonkers! I couldn't even take notes properly because I couldn't tell where my line was going on the page with all those little squares looking up at me. It didn't seem "normal" to write on paper like this! So imagine, learning a new language, attempting to take notes on graph paper (I don't know, maybe some of y'all out there like that) but it was driving me bananas. So Steve set out on a mission to find a notebook for me with lines instead of the graph type squares-sounds easy enough right? Nope! But he didn't give up (I have a good man!) and he came home dawning a cute little notebook with a green cover and the words, "Keep calm & Be Yourself". Oh the irony! So here I am, looking at this notebook, so grateful that the paper has lines on each sheet and was just in tears at my husband's sweet gesture to cheer me up and give me a gentle reminder to keep going, don't give up.
As time has gone by, though, each time I've opened that notebook to take notes or study, I think to myself, "how do I even be myself here in Poland". Most everything about who I am and what I'm known by has changed. And drastically!
In this process of language learning, I'm also learning a lot about myself. To name a few: I rarely extend myself much grace, I get easily frustrated when I can't quickly understand a new concept, I have a hard time studying whilst managing all the other responsibilities on a regular basis (namely raising three children), keeping up with partners and being a good supportive wife. And that's just the beginning of my list! So many people have made comments like, "I don't know how you are learning this while raising three small children", "this is a really hard language to learn", and "it will take a long time to learn". All these things don't discourage me, they just remind me that, in fact, it's ok for for feeling the way I do at times! But the one thing I will end talking about in this post today is the concept of personal identity within a new culture. The hardest part about this transition for me has been the idea of my personal identity. At some level, most of us can talk about who we are, about our identity. First, my identity is found in Christ and Ephesians reminds me of this. This will never change. There are other factors though that make up who I am. When I was in America, I was as stay at home mom, wife, daughter, sister, neighbor, etc. I knew how to function in all those roles in that context. But since I've been removed from what was so familiar, I have had a hard time figuring out just "who I am" in this new context, this new culture. I will always be different...no matter how well I learn this language or adapt to this culture, I think I may still feel the rub of learning how to "be myself". Being myself is no longer what I thought it was at one time. You see, I am extroverted, I am loud and I am passionate (just to name a few). Since moving, I feel I have become more introverted, more subdued and a little more choosy on how I express my passions. This has been a hard change. Some days I like it, most days I do not.
I heard someone tell us in our first year here that moving to live in another country is like a "death of self". Meaning that, a lot of "who you were" back in America is not "who you are now" or will become in your new context. This comes as a major rub to me, because who wants to find their new identity in their mid-thirties (gulp!). Sometimes I find that I can agree with this statement, but it's not a definitive statement to me, nor does it encapsulate everyone's experience who has ever moved overseas either.
So what do I do with this "rub"... Here are just a few things I do:
+ Every day I ask God for the strength to face another day with whatever lies ahead.
+ I ask God to overwhelm me with His unending Grace.
+ I pray that God will make His promises I "know" (in scripture) to be "real" in my heart.
+ I cry, this is not a planned thing of course, but when tears well up, I let them flow.
+ I have a small circle of close friends (and prayer warriors) I message when I need prayer.
+ I find the promises of God's word and cling tightly to His truths.
+ I vent to people who "get it".
+ I laugh, and remind myself to smile each day. (Family dance parties help create laughter)!
+ I remind myself of why God led us here in the first place.
I know I have a lot to learn and I'm thankful that God never leaves me in this process and loves me enough to take me through whatever is needed to make me more like Christ!
What about you...have you lived overseas and how did you deal with the rub of learning how to "be yourself" in a new context? I would love to hear your stories!
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