Remembering
In the past couple weeks, there have been many "Remembering 9/11" radio broadcasts, TV shows, and articles that have caught my attention more than most in years past since 9/11/2001. I'm not sure if it's because this is the ten year since that day where terrorists attacked the WTC buildings...none the less...catching my attention more than before. I find myself sad and frustrated to watch and/or read about that day. Sadness for those lost in the tragedy that day and the families they left behind. Frustration for the evil in our world. Although I am a very firm believer in God's sovereignty, and in his infinite wisdom, know He could have stopped it...I also know that evil is in our world and God has used the attacks on September 11th to redeem many people to call them as His own.
Another reason I think I overlook the severity of the 9/11 attacks is because over the past six years I find myself often reflecting on how things became different for our family...on September 11th, 2005...my step-dad past away. Around this time of year, I find myself thinking more about him and his life...than those of the 9/11 tragedy ten years ago. All the media coverage of 9/11 just steers my thoughts back to our family's loss six years ago.
Bruce D. Clock was a man I did not always get along with well, if I said otherwise, I would be lying. Allow me to explain. The years when my mom started dating and then eventually married Bruce were tough years for me where he and I often butted heads. It is from those difficult years that I am convinced knowing him did helped shape and mold me into who I am today. I also have tender memories of the last few years he was alive, the years after I left for college. Those years were filled with a memory of a man who started to change. He became more compassionate and loving towards me as his step-daughter and we found ourselves laughing more often when we were together and having deep conversations about life. One of my favorite memories during those more tender years in our relationship is just after I had a medical procedure done for my Crohn's disease and he took care of me during my recovering while my mom had to work...without making me feel like I was a bother or in the way, but rather like a father takes care of their children when they're sick. I can say I am thankful for those last few years in our relationship.
His death was sudden. I hate that. I hate it for so many reasons but mostly because of how I watched it affect my mom. They were traveling and in Atlanta when he passed. They were there to go to a football game (like they loved to do together). I can recount every detail my mom told me about that night. I had just gotten home from a (bad) date and was so glad to be home! My mom called me and I knew something was wrong because I was in central time zone and they were in the eastern time zone...she had called me late. As the night progressed, he was rushed to the hospital where he later passed away. The doctors said his heart was just too tired. They think he might have been having small heart attacks in the weeks that lead up to his heart failing in the wee hours of September 11th, 2005. I remember being the one who was corresponding with everyone in the family when my mom would call me with updates. I could never get ahold of Danny, my step-brother and Bruce's only biological son. It wasn't until later into the morning hours that he called me back and I told him what had happened. That was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. I had wonderful friends and roommates who were with me that night and went to church the following morning where the pastor so perfectly preached on Psalm 23...reminding me that God is with me (and our family) even in the valley of the shadow of death. I was a part of our church choir but could not bring myself to sing that morning and after the service was showered with love by my brothers and sisters in Christ who served alongside me in the choir-who gave me enough money to fly home.
So home I went and the week I was there is still as clear to me as if it happened yesterday. I remember when I got on the plane, that was the first time I turned off my phone since the night before when everything started but could still somehow "hear" my phone ringing in my head. I was glad to be going home to be with my mom (who was herself flying home at the same time) and my brothers. It was a beautiful week of remember Bruce, filled with sad moments (like picking up Bruce and mom's dog Tyler from the dog sitter and he wailed the whole way home as if he knew Bruce wasn't coming home) but also filled with laughter (as our family does best) as we remembered the fun times we had as a family.
Life has been different without Bruce and I'm sad to think he never got to meet his grandchildren (the first, Sarah, who was born just 3 months after he died), get to see Dave and Amy married (also a few months after his passing), and all the many other life changes that occured that year and the following years. I remember when I graduated college a few months after his passing...my mom said he would have been so proud of me. She also likes to say I was one of the few people who could get him to laugh and smile in pictures. Here are a few pictures, including one of Bruce and myself smiling big for the camera!
I will end on this a list of a few of my favorite moments with Bruce:
1. he loved my mom and I always liked hearing him say her name, "Joyce" especially when he would be giving her a hard time...he said it in a certain way with much affection.
2. he was a huge football fan and liked the Packers except when Brett Favre would throw interceptions! But to spite him...Dave and I became Viking fans.
3. he loved martial arts and liked showing us kiddos new moves. I can say with confidence if you come at me with a knife, I will hurt you! On occasion I like to joke around with Steve and say, "grab my wrist" like Bruce would say so he could show me a new move...I laugh more than Steve of course but it is a fond memory of Bruce!
4. he taught me how to play pool...and I'm pretty good for a girl!
5. he brought home a dog when he and my mom were first together because he knew I wanted a dog...Duke (white puppy) was his name and I still remember the night he came home mom said not in the house and Bruce brought the dog in so he and I could roll around with it!
6. he swore he never snored and I still remember the time Dave and I tried to record him to prove it!
7. "it dissipates into the air" ... if you're family you get this!
8. riding in the black van on family vacation listening to countless hours of oldies music which was his favorite.
9. he gave the best bear hugs
10. watching him snow plow (the yard)!
There are many more I'm sure I could add to this list, but I'll stop there for now!
Jenny
Another reason I think I overlook the severity of the 9/11 attacks is because over the past six years I find myself often reflecting on how things became different for our family...on September 11th, 2005...my step-dad past away. Around this time of year, I find myself thinking more about him and his life...than those of the 9/11 tragedy ten years ago. All the media coverage of 9/11 just steers my thoughts back to our family's loss six years ago.
Bruce D. Clock was a man I did not always get along with well, if I said otherwise, I would be lying. Allow me to explain. The years when my mom started dating and then eventually married Bruce were tough years for me where he and I often butted heads. It is from those difficult years that I am convinced knowing him did helped shape and mold me into who I am today. I also have tender memories of the last few years he was alive, the years after I left for college. Those years were filled with a memory of a man who started to change. He became more compassionate and loving towards me as his step-daughter and we found ourselves laughing more often when we were together and having deep conversations about life. One of my favorite memories during those more tender years in our relationship is just after I had a medical procedure done for my Crohn's disease and he took care of me during my recovering while my mom had to work...without making me feel like I was a bother or in the way, but rather like a father takes care of their children when they're sick. I can say I am thankful for those last few years in our relationship.
His death was sudden. I hate that. I hate it for so many reasons but mostly because of how I watched it affect my mom. They were traveling and in Atlanta when he passed. They were there to go to a football game (like they loved to do together). I can recount every detail my mom told me about that night. I had just gotten home from a (bad) date and was so glad to be home! My mom called me and I knew something was wrong because I was in central time zone and they were in the eastern time zone...she had called me late. As the night progressed, he was rushed to the hospital where he later passed away. The doctors said his heart was just too tired. They think he might have been having small heart attacks in the weeks that lead up to his heart failing in the wee hours of September 11th, 2005. I remember being the one who was corresponding with everyone in the family when my mom would call me with updates. I could never get ahold of Danny, my step-brother and Bruce's only biological son. It wasn't until later into the morning hours that he called me back and I told him what had happened. That was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. I had wonderful friends and roommates who were with me that night and went to church the following morning where the pastor so perfectly preached on Psalm 23...reminding me that God is with me (and our family) even in the valley of the shadow of death. I was a part of our church choir but could not bring myself to sing that morning and after the service was showered with love by my brothers and sisters in Christ who served alongside me in the choir-who gave me enough money to fly home.
So home I went and the week I was there is still as clear to me as if it happened yesterday. I remember when I got on the plane, that was the first time I turned off my phone since the night before when everything started but could still somehow "hear" my phone ringing in my head. I was glad to be going home to be with my mom (who was herself flying home at the same time) and my brothers. It was a beautiful week of remember Bruce, filled with sad moments (like picking up Bruce and mom's dog Tyler from the dog sitter and he wailed the whole way home as if he knew Bruce wasn't coming home) but also filled with laughter (as our family does best) as we remembered the fun times we had as a family.
Life has been different without Bruce and I'm sad to think he never got to meet his grandchildren (the first, Sarah, who was born just 3 months after he died), get to see Dave and Amy married (also a few months after his passing), and all the many other life changes that occured that year and the following years. I remember when I graduated college a few months after his passing...my mom said he would have been so proud of me. She also likes to say I was one of the few people who could get him to laugh and smile in pictures. Here are a few pictures, including one of Bruce and myself smiling big for the camera!
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| Mom and Bruce on their wedding day - October 13th |
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| Bruce and me |
 |
Bruce liked his boat and fishing. On the boat
in Lake Superior (Bruce, Me, Grandma, Danny)
|
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| Last picture of Bruce in Atlanta taken by mom |
These next few pictures are from the week I was home after Bruce past away...
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| Danny - my step brother |
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| mom, Tyler the puppy & Danny |
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| mom and me |
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| Amy, Dave, me, Jon, Becky (and Sarah in her belly) |
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| mom |
I will end on this a list of a few of my favorite moments with Bruce:
1. he loved my mom and I always liked hearing him say her name, "Joyce" especially when he would be giving her a hard time...he said it in a certain way with much affection.
2. he was a huge football fan and liked the Packers except when Brett Favre would throw interceptions! But to spite him...Dave and I became Viking fans.
3. he loved martial arts and liked showing us kiddos new moves. I can say with confidence if you come at me with a knife, I will hurt you! On occasion I like to joke around with Steve and say, "grab my wrist" like Bruce would say so he could show me a new move...I laugh more than Steve of course but it is a fond memory of Bruce!
4. he taught me how to play pool...and I'm pretty good for a girl!
5. he brought home a dog when he and my mom were first together because he knew I wanted a dog...Duke (white puppy) was his name and I still remember the night he came home mom said not in the house and Bruce brought the dog in so he and I could roll around with it!
6. he swore he never snored and I still remember the time Dave and I tried to record him to prove it!
7. "it dissipates into the air" ... if you're family you get this!
8. riding in the black van on family vacation listening to countless hours of oldies music which was his favorite.
9. he gave the best bear hugs
10. watching him snow plow (the yard)!
There are many more I'm sure I could add to this list, but I'll stop there for now!
Jenny
That was very nice Jenn...well said:)
ReplyDeleteGlad you were able to share your past w/Bruce, beautiful memories and man missed dearly!
ReplyDeleteLynn Greaves