Defining Steven
What defines us dictates our life. What defines us becomes our master. What defines us can enslave us. What defines us becomes our god. Some would claim that they are defined by a multitude of things. While others cling tightly to one specific thing that defines everything they are. Some of us have yet to take an introspective look into our lives to see what defines us. Some of us know all too well what things define us. For some, our definition can even change depending on the people we are around. Some of us like our definition and some of us wish we could change it. I would like to argue that truth can be found in saying that everyone has at least one thing that personally defines who they are. Even one who would say that “nothing defines me” in turn is defined by that very statement. My relatively short lived, fairly experience filled life of twenty-five years, whether I was conscious of it at the time or not, has revolved greatly around this sometimes daunting and echoing question; what defines you?
From a very early age I desired the acceptance and approval of anyone and everyone I came into contact with. I loved to follow rules and do everything just in hopes that I might get a glimpse of an approving smile or a satisfying compliment. For me, to gain someone’s acceptance and to please them by following the spoken or unspoken rules that they established was a sweet place of comfort. This quickly became what defined me and I thrived in this definition. It was easy for me to follow rules. I rarely had a thought or temptation to stray away from them. Why would I want to leave the place where I found comfort? I became focused and determined to please everyone and live by the tedious rules. It was such a great definition for my life that it consumed me. It was late in the 8th grade when I started to encounter serious problems with my definition. This definition had slowly, but completely destroyed my self-confidence and self-esteem. As you could imagine trying to please everyone actually put me at odds with everyone, it was self-defeating. It was at this point in my life I realized the selfish nature of first and foremost myself and then those around me. I selfishly wanted everyone to like me and they selfishly wanted me to do everything they asked. With a broken spirit and a confused idea about life, I realized at that time what defined me, rule following people pleaser, was not working.
It was at this point in my life that I first heard the name of Jesus. One night my brother came and told me about this great and amazing God and how he had created the world perfectly and man rebelled and sinned against God and because of that we were separated from Him and needed Jesus to save us from his wrath. Even though I had acknowledged that my definition of myself was seriously flawed, this definition (my master) had such a tight grip around my throat and had enslaved me and was not going to let me go so easily. My new found relationship with Jesus quickly reverted to what I knew best, rule following people pleaser. When I discovered that God had many commands (or rules) that I was breaking I was crushed to a new level of low. My knee jerk reaction was to go into people pleasing mode to try to appease this great God who could crush me with his very breath. I quickly joined the church choir in hopes of making up for lost time. Once again, I discovered I could not keep all the rules and that I was failing at pleasing God. Or so I thought.
After four years of tireless pursuit in rule following God pleasing perfection, I was ready to quit. What I had allowed to define me for so long was forcing me into a mold that would not and was not designed to work. No relationship or anything else in life was working under this definition. I was struggling to rid myself of it. It was on the first night of January 2002 that Jesus revealed to me the key to my binding definition chains and offered me a new definition. One radically different, yet in some ways very similar to the one already established that was choking my life. Yet this new definition was freeing and the grips on my neck were loosened. What Jesus offered me that night was the definition of acceptance and God pleaser. The greatest thing about my new definition was that it was not up to my efforts to establish it. Jesus Christ on the cross had established my definition. You can only imagine the freedom that came to me that night that I was redefined.
Since that night I have strived to live out the new definition that Jesus gave me, not out of a fear that I will not be accepted, but motivated by a love for God. A God that sent his son to die on a cross for my definition so that in this new life I might show how great He is and bring Him glory. My new definition has allowed me to run with a freedom and hope like never before, the freedom to travel over seas and share about how Jesus redefined my life, the freedom to move across the country to pursue a greater love for my defining God. All of this not out of a desire to be accepted but because I am accepted through the blood of Jesus. O how the words ring true “my chains are gone, I’ve been set free”.
Lord willing, even though at times my old binding definition tries to come back and reclaim its slave, I will run with this freedom in the future knowing that I can serve people freely knowing I am accepted by God. Knowing that if I am rejected by man, I can remain focused on my acceptance from God. By God’s great design I can freely serve people and not be bound to acceptance. My hope is that through the freedom to serve I may help people to redefine themselves in light of the greatest definition, lover, follower and disciple of Jesus Christ the risen King. So when someone wants to know what defines me I hope they see and hear Jesus Christ.
Jesus dictates my life. Jesus is my master. Jesus is who I am enslaved to. Jesus is God and my God. Lord, may my life and all those around me be defined by you. The only definition that makes sense, brings true fulfillment and will last for eternity.
Steve
From a very early age I desired the acceptance and approval of anyone and everyone I came into contact with. I loved to follow rules and do everything just in hopes that I might get a glimpse of an approving smile or a satisfying compliment. For me, to gain someone’s acceptance and to please them by following the spoken or unspoken rules that they established was a sweet place of comfort. This quickly became what defined me and I thrived in this definition. It was easy for me to follow rules. I rarely had a thought or temptation to stray away from them. Why would I want to leave the place where I found comfort? I became focused and determined to please everyone and live by the tedious rules. It was such a great definition for my life that it consumed me. It was late in the 8th grade when I started to encounter serious problems with my definition. This definition had slowly, but completely destroyed my self-confidence and self-esteem. As you could imagine trying to please everyone actually put me at odds with everyone, it was self-defeating. It was at this point in my life I realized the selfish nature of first and foremost myself and then those around me. I selfishly wanted everyone to like me and they selfishly wanted me to do everything they asked. With a broken spirit and a confused idea about life, I realized at that time what defined me, rule following people pleaser, was not working.
It was at this point in my life that I first heard the name of Jesus. One night my brother came and told me about this great and amazing God and how he had created the world perfectly and man rebelled and sinned against God and because of that we were separated from Him and needed Jesus to save us from his wrath. Even though I had acknowledged that my definition of myself was seriously flawed, this definition (my master) had such a tight grip around my throat and had enslaved me and was not going to let me go so easily. My new found relationship with Jesus quickly reverted to what I knew best, rule following people pleaser. When I discovered that God had many commands (or rules) that I was breaking I was crushed to a new level of low. My knee jerk reaction was to go into people pleasing mode to try to appease this great God who could crush me with his very breath. I quickly joined the church choir in hopes of making up for lost time. Once again, I discovered I could not keep all the rules and that I was failing at pleasing God. Or so I thought.
After four years of tireless pursuit in rule following God pleasing perfection, I was ready to quit. What I had allowed to define me for so long was forcing me into a mold that would not and was not designed to work. No relationship or anything else in life was working under this definition. I was struggling to rid myself of it. It was on the first night of January 2002 that Jesus revealed to me the key to my binding definition chains and offered me a new definition. One radically different, yet in some ways very similar to the one already established that was choking my life. Yet this new definition was freeing and the grips on my neck were loosened. What Jesus offered me that night was the definition of acceptance and God pleaser. The greatest thing about my new definition was that it was not up to my efforts to establish it. Jesus Christ on the cross had established my definition. You can only imagine the freedom that came to me that night that I was redefined.
Since that night I have strived to live out the new definition that Jesus gave me, not out of a fear that I will not be accepted, but motivated by a love for God. A God that sent his son to die on a cross for my definition so that in this new life I might show how great He is and bring Him glory. My new definition has allowed me to run with a freedom and hope like never before, the freedom to travel over seas and share about how Jesus redefined my life, the freedom to move across the country to pursue a greater love for my defining God. All of this not out of a desire to be accepted but because I am accepted through the blood of Jesus. O how the words ring true “my chains are gone, I’ve been set free”.
Lord willing, even though at times my old binding definition tries to come back and reclaim its slave, I will run with this freedom in the future knowing that I can serve people freely knowing I am accepted by God. Knowing that if I am rejected by man, I can remain focused on my acceptance from God. By God’s great design I can freely serve people and not be bound to acceptance. My hope is that through the freedom to serve I may help people to redefine themselves in light of the greatest definition, lover, follower and disciple of Jesus Christ the risen King. So when someone wants to know what defines me I hope they see and hear Jesus Christ.
Jesus dictates my life. Jesus is my master. Jesus is who I am enslaved to. Jesus is God and my God. Lord, may my life and all those around me be defined by you. The only definition that makes sense, brings true fulfillment and will last for eternity.
Steve
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